matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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