Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
