bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
