His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
