i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's great music for shaving your balls
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
