That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
