Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
