bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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