i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
