Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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