You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
