tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
