Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
