So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
