new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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