i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
