theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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