He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
