Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
