I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
