He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
