Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
