I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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