He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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