i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
