thus making me awesome and them whores
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I came so hard my ears popped.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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