Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
