I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
