I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
