He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
