do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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