Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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