The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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