It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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