How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
