just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
