So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
