Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
