When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
