I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
