im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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