Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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