I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
