some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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