It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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