trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He kissed a someone with a penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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