before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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