the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
