You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
