alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
