I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
