I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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