i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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